Sunday, July 26, 2015

All The Learning Things

Things I learned while attending festivals on weekends with mom:

1. Porta potties are not made to hold a dog and his person; it takes skillz to fit the 2 of us into one. We have perfected the art of Porta Potty Use. They're also very hot and stuffy, but sometimes have great things to lick on the floor. Mom says that is disgusting and I should never, ever kiss her again.

2. Grass is cooler than pavement. Even if you have a tent for shade, if you're going to spend a few hours on pavement, a blanket to lay on is going to be your best friend.

3. A wet blanket is even friendlier.

4. A fan focused on the wet blanket you're laying on is definitely the friendliest.

5. People are nice. They love petting me. I love being petted. Most of the time. Some people are weird, even to dogs.

6. Festivals have amazing food like ice cream and cheese fries. Mom and dad share these with me because I'm a good boy, but sometimes, as we're walking to a Porta Potty Cramming Session, I can find great things like cheese fries just lying on the ground. Mom is trying to teach me a new command called LEAVE IT.

7. I have no idea what LEAVE IT means. I doubt I ever will.

8. I get to meet fun people at festivals, like monkeys and Big Foot.

9. Monkeys are fascinating, but mom and the money man didn't want us to get close enough to find out exactly how fascinating.

10. I get to see unusual things at festivals like UFOs and unicycles and llamas.

11. Llamas don't like dogs. And they hiss to alert their people (and everything else) that an intruder is nearby.

12. UFOs are indifferent to dogs. They don't hiss.

Line up: Flag, ambulance sign, flag, weird brown acorn that is actually a replica of a UFO that crash landed right in that town. (So the story goes.) That UFO is rather indifferent to dogs. That's kind of polite of it.

13. Big Foot is a pretty chill guy, too. He's kind of a loner, living in his own bubble world. I'm not sure he noticed me.

Big Foot, walking right on by. Thankfully he didn't kick me. Or step on me.

14. Fireworks and festivals go hand in hand. Fireworks are fun, because that means there are a lot of people, and a lot of people means a lot of food can potentially drop on the ground.

15. Dachshunds are barky people. They talk about everything, loudly, all the time.

16 Dachshunds are fun to chase. Mama says it's bad manners and so I decided to ignore them the rest of my life. They are now dead to me.

17. French people come in all shapes and sizes, apparently.

18. I enjoy riding horses. Who knew?

Concrete horses DO totally count as horseback riding. Mush, steed.


  1. Leave it are highly overrated, I ignore dat one all da time.

  2. Sounds like you had a pawfect time!!!
    And you've learnt to bear back!
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

  3. Wow those are good tips for sure. Plus no over heating
    Lily & Edward

  4. OMG that was hilarious (and much of it true!)
    Your expression on that horse is priceless!
    You hit the nail on the head why my Mom doesn't always take me to fairs. I DO know "leave it", but I often ignore it.
    Barks and licks and love, Dakota

  5. LOL, sounds like fun too!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!