Friday, July 3, 2015

Humiliation Knows No Bounds

Remember that time I went boating with the family? In dog years, it was like 6 months ago, so it's been a while.

Mom says it was just last month.

While we were boating, she put a life jacket on me that was designed for 2-legged kids, and while it would have saved my life had I been a complete clutz and fallen into the lake, it did pinch a bit behind my elbows.

Mom says to stop making fun of her clutzy ways. I'm not. I swear.

cream french bulldog wearing an infant life jacket to go boating

After we came home that day, mom had the brilliant idea to get a doggie life jacket for me so that I could become best friends with boating. I'm not sure why she thought this would be a good idea, because I'm thinking it's a bad one from start to finish.

The life jacket came in the mail, and I was justified in my bad idea thing right from the start.

cream french bulldog wears an oversized life jacket ill fitted to go boating

I'm sure you've seen this photo circulating around the interwebs, because mom doesn't seem to get that dogs suffer humiliation just like people do. I mean, is that thing to keep me afloat if I am pushed off a boat, or to blast me into space for an orbit around the moon? Honestly, it's ridiculous.

Mom agreed, so she sent it back. THANK GOODNESS. I won that battle.

And then another one came in the mail yesterday. Same color, same style, only a little smaller, but not a lot smaller. 

cream french bulldog wears a life jacket to go boating summer safety

The problem is that frenchies aren't made for off-the-rack clothing. We're specially built, so things like coats and life jackets just don't fit us well. That's why mom makes custom fitted dog coats for specially built dogs like us, but sadly nobody makes custom fitted life jackets. I am forced to look like a rocket while boating, because mom likes to make me suffer humiliation while trying to kill me. Clearly. 

I was a bit appalled to see that she kept this one and didn't shove it back into the box and return it, but then I heard her say that the local state park won't allow dogs on the boats they rent out. Perhaps things are in my favor after all, huh? I'm going to keep my paws crossed that I never have to use this thing.


  1. Louie, I'll bet your mom could make a life jacket just for you.

  2. Oh butts is better to be safe than sorry, you must where your life jacket Louice just in case. Perhaps you can persuade Mom to do sum alteratings to make it just fur you?
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

  3. I am sorry but you look like a doggie firecracker or a doggie torpedo........your Mom dropped the ball big time on this one, but cut her some slack, she sure meant well!

  4. I guess ya can just be relieved ya don't gotta wear it after all.

  5. Okay, the first one was just wrong. BOL!! Still you should probably wear the new one on the boat. We need you to be safe. ♥